Dylan Greene dot com

From Ajaxian.com, for my friends at work: :)

You know you're a Java weenie when...

1. Hani viciously biles you, and you publicly thank him for it, calling it "an honor"
2. You go to TheServerSide Java Symposium even though you talk about how much you hate TheServerSide.com. You then try to hide in sessions as you blog that you only go because you like Vegas
3. You feel the need to tell the whole world that Sun has rejected your JavaOne talk, and then further embarrass yourself by claiming its some sort of conspiracy
4. You think its great that we have 45 XML APIs and 938 Web frameworks, claiming that "choice is a good thing."
5. You are excited about SQL AOP (and now SQXML AOP)
6. You complain that Maven is too complex and completely unusable, then gradually let it slip that you've never actually gone so far as to try it out before assailing it
7. You feel the need to blog every time you need a job or are offered a job
8. You go out and spend a small fortune on a 30" Apple LCD and then rub it in everyone's face... multiple times
9. You think that whoever doesn't choose to waste their money on overpriced, underpowered Apple hardware couldn't possibly have the critical thinking skills required to be a good software developer
10. After making a small fortune as a Java author and consultant you turn around and tell people it completely sucks and they should have been using Ruby for the past few years
11. After making a small fortune as a Java author and consultant you throw it all away to learn Objective-C and try to convince the world that managed code is just a fad and that platform marketshare really isn't all that important anyway
12. You are mercilessly rude to Microsoft for years until they send you on an expensive and exclusive "summit", after which you are all warm and cuddly with your new best friends in Redmond
13. You embarrass the entire Enterprise Java community by blogging about how neat it is that PHP wraps CGI state in variables (next blog: "Wow! Perl has this cool $_ variable!")
14. You endorse Struts for years and then overnight change positions and start claiming that it's a huge heaping pile of crap and taking irrational pleasure in bashing Craig McClanahan
15. You think naming client-side browser scripting after a cleaning agent will somehow change the hellish set of horrors that is dynamic HTML development ;-)

Happy April 1st -- Dion and Ben